Disney's Snow White remake is stirring up a storm, and not in a fairy-tale way, as actress Rachel Zegler's anti-Trump rants have fans vowing to ditch the film--projected to lose Disney a staggering $300 million. Meanwhile, in NYC, a woman's attempt to snatch a MAGA hat off a subway rider ended with her faceplanting in viral humiliation, dubbed "instant karma" by onlookers who see it as a Democratic flop against MAGA grit. Over in the political ring, President Trump didn't hold back, chuckling as he branded Tim Walz a "loser" who'd be "in trouble" in any fight, tying Walz's election fumble to broader campaign woes. On the economic front, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick cashed in big, selling 1,000 immigration "Gold Cards" at $5 million a pop in a single day--raking in $5 billion to chip at the national debt, with Trump eyeing a million more sales. And for a cosmic twist, a guy in Greenland claims he's uncovered NASA's "Mars" on Earth, spinning a wild tale that's got skeptics and dreamers buzzing.

The week's other headlines kept the chaos coming. Matt flashed a creepy 9/11 relic--"My Pet Goat"--claiming Bush's classroom moment was a scripted elite game, while China's "rent-a-womb" scheme in California motels shocked with its U.S. passport loophole. An ER nurse in Colorado unloaded on illegal immigration's toll, from gang shootings to fentanyl drops, and a Bill Maher guest slammed Fauci's gain-of-function past, tying it to a Wuhan lab leak prophecy from 2014. Putin prayed for Trump post-assassination attempt, gifting him a portrait, while Elon Musk sued ex-Rep. Jamaal Bowman for calling him a "Nazi" on CNN. In California, a woman faces murder charges after a fetish gig went deadly with saran wrap, and scientists claim massive cylinders lurk under Giza's pyramids--though doubters cry foul.

A man got ticketed in LA for walking his dog too close to beach water while drug users went unbusted, Dana Carvey recalled Bill Gates storming out over a "turtle" jab, and a fetish filming gone wrong left a man dead and an OnlyFans creator jailed. It's a wild world out there--Disney's going broke, hats are sparking falls, Trump's throwing shade, millionaires are buying citizenship, and Mars might just be chilling in Greenland. Buckle up!

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