INTRO: Never Give Guns to Girls Who Never Grew Up (0:00-13:05) • Your Mouth Ain't Big Enough to Blow Me (13:05-18:25) • MUSICAL JUSTICE: Jackie Wilson, AKA "Mr. Excitement"(18:25-47:53) • TV MAUSOLEUM: "The Morton Downey Jr. Show" (1987-89) (47:53-1:22:49) • VOICEMAIL: Luke from Seattle accidentally destroyed his phone, leaving in his absence three of the most half-hearted "HARDBALLS RULES!!!" shout-outs in the show's history: What was Jack Chick's influence on zine culture?; When will I record my version of the "Sanford & Son" theme?; Two "death discs" I didn't cover last week; Caller from Pottstown, PA tells me he loves me (1:22:49-1:36:08) • WE KNOW THEY'RE LYING: Dog No Longer Respects His Owner After Watching Him Get Fucked By Another Man (1:36:08-1:47:44); Mom and Dad Become Transgender and Form a Queertet With Their Transgender Daughter and Her Transgender Lover (1:47:44-2:02:46); Black Daycare Workers Busted for Kiddie Fight Club (2:02:46-2:09:57); Australian Jews Protest a Christmas Ham Special at Kmart Called "Merry Ham-mas!" (2:09:57-2:17:25); Mistaking Them for Real Jews, Palestinian Woman Arrested for Driving Her Car Into a Black Hebrew Israelite Building (2:17:25-2:33:22)